Worst Analogies

Today, while reading Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar (which was rather fun), I came across a section with selections from the Worst Analogies ever written in a High School Essay Contest.

I had to dig up the entire list online, and here it is. I find them delightful, and of course will find excuses to use them throughout 2016.

Some of the good ones:

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

And my absolute favourite,

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

❧ Please send me your suggestions, comments, etc. at comments@mandarg.com